Intimidating girls are a good thing
She has a job she loves that pays good money, money that she likes to spend on her geeky hobbies and toys. – she hears the same thing over and over again: “You’re too intimidating…” Does this sound familiar to you? In fact, going by the number of emails I get from my readers, it’s most common issue that geek (or geek-curious) women encounter when they’re interested in dating. She’s well educated, with a rapier wit and a willingness to use it. And yet, Friday still remains the most lonely night of the week when she sees all of the happy, laughing couples making plans, having romantic dinners and enjoying the sex while she’s at home with Fringe on the DVR and a bottle of Malbec breathing in the kitchen. Well, whenever she’s interested in a guy – a guy who’s worth her time, because what’s the point of having standards if she’s not going to stick to ‘em?
Selector .selector_input_interaction .selector_input. Selector .selector_input_interaction .selector_spinner. Selector .selector_results_container.hover_menu.hover_menu:before,.hover_menu:after.hover_menu.show_nub:before.hover_menu.show_nub:after.hover_menu.show_nub.white_bg:after.hover_menu .hover_menu_contents.hover_menu.white_bg .hover_menu_contents. She looks you in the eye and asks for the truth—for one moment of brutal honesty: “Why doesn’t he like me? I don’t know about you, but when I tell my friends they are intimidating, what I mean is that they are just too awesome for the guy.” You search your brain for some reason as to why this fool isn’t falling over himself for your incredible friend and come up with only one plausible answer. I see my intimidating friends as strong, assertive women. She’s geeky to her Joss-Whedon-loving core, a Whovian, Vertigo-reading, 3rd edition D&D (none of that 4th ed crap thank you very much) gamer with the con stories to prove it. While it’s true that many men will use it as a polite dodge to avoid saying “I’m not attracted to you”, when it comes up over and over again, it’s a sign that maybe there’s more to it. And don’t get me wrong, this isn’t someone looking for geeky attention or a propped up fantasy. But “intimidating” is almost uselessly vague, especially if they keeps coming up; it covers a multitude of meanings to the point that it means everything and nothing at once. Selector .selector_input_interaction .selector_input. Selector .selector_input_interaction .selector_spinner.
If a woman keeps hearing from men that she’s “intimidating”, what is she supposed to do – besides start approaching men who have more self-confidence and fewer issues?
I asked many of my friends who often get the “he is just intimidated by you” line why they think they fit the mold of a hard-to-approach gal.
Here’s what they told me: Abby: "I am very independent, and I love autonomy.
It’s an environment that breeds people to become coarse or cold emotionally in order to get to the next level.
In addition to being a world-renowned comedian, talk show host, philanthropist, husband and father, Steve Harvey is the Chief Love Officer of online dating site Delightful.
She’s done it all; dating sites, meeting guys at cons, the comic store, chatting up friends from class and at work.